Something interesting happened at Twin Cities Marathon, something I never suspected. After months worth of focus on trail running, I PR'd on the roads with absolutely zero road focus. After months spent running hills, solo running Afton countless times, and the weekly speed workout, I surpassed my previous 3 year PR of 2:47 without the faintest worry or long term focus on reaching this achievement. So, what happened during Twin Cities? Well, it was a mental transformation of sorts, but not in a pre-meditated sort of way.
Packet pick-up was horrible. After a two year hiatus to road running, the throngs of people, inconvenience and impersonal milling about just to receive my packet was draining. I saw many familiar faces, but the frustration of the whole ordeal left me bitter rather than excited to race. With this, I went home and felt completely unprepared for the day to come. One thing for sure, I was going to run my race and enjoy the fall colors. I completely resigned to the notion of "whatever happens, happens," adjust to this and the day will be fine.
That night, I slept like a baby, without a care in the world. This was the first sign that strange things were to come. I showed up the next morning with only a slight bit of nerves...also something that rarely happens as I am a multiple Biff type of guy. As I warmed up, I was happy to resign my inward focus, connecting with familiar faces in the ultra world. Seriously, it is like a family even though I spend only passing moments with most of these connections. Their relaxed and welcoming nature however makes it feel like a family reunion, something that always brings me back for more. With multiple greetings, the race was suddenly about to start. With all the talking, I hardly had time to think about the time that I printed on my wrist, 2:46.
As the gun went off, I started my watch and figured what the hell, may as well shoot high and embrace the suck. After all, there are two things that make me run. One is the life stories of those surrounding me and the second is the sure pain that is needed in order to achieve. As I made my way through the pack, I eventually found a group that was right outside my comfort zone. As the miles clicked by, my breathing didn't ease and I found the group to be rather solemn. People tried to make the effort to talk, but most of the targets were uninterested and focused solely on the day. After a couple years away, I forgot how lonely road racing is at times. As the pace bordered on uncomfortable, I struggled a touch to hold my motivation. After all, trail running is full of conversation at the front end, even during the most intense races.
Around mile 11 an epiphany hit which motivated me through the finish. It wasn't why I was racing that day, but rather why I run in general and how it has helped me navigate life. From the outside, it would appear that I run because I am competitive, in need of an outlet post traditional athletics. Or maybe, it is because I am super motivated and concerned about my health. The above justifications are true, but there is much more to the equation. Like many in ultra running, I am addictive and quirky by nature. Once I get on a path, I easily go 120% whether healthy or not which has caused trouble in the past. More importantly than that however is my struggle to connect with a society that is constantly connected, increasingly loud, quickly evolving, and tied to more dollar signs than my bank account will ever have. See, below all the life commitments, I am rather primal and minimal by nature, even though that isn't always reflected clearly.
Given I haven't completely resigned to living in a remote hut, running is a way for me to maintain functionality and connect with like minded individuals that I encounter on the trails. It helps me organize life, gives me energy to face a day under the fake lights of work, and allows a brief reprieve from "first world" frustrations. Overall, it helps me plug in more efficiently while plugging out of consumerism at the same time. From this, I have found an energy and motivation that keeps the rest of life on the straight and narrow.
With this reflection, I hit mile 17 and the brick wall to follow. As I passed my wife and extended family, I felt the pain start to creep, and fully accepted it. Instead of the "suck," this was my vacation. With that, the survival instincts clicked in as I focused on bodies in front of me. Some were moving smooth, but many were fatiguing just like me. Instead of focusing on my slipping splits, I worked on capturing the moment. I sucked the last amount of energy out of my body and found additional boosts through the cheering crowd and electrifying energy at TC Running's 24 mile cheer zone. What a sweet experience!
Yeah, this post is super long and isn't structured in the best way. Thank you for reading this far. I guess what I am trying to get across is don't just focus on the short term goals that each race brings. Six years ago I certainly did and it made me a hard headed, narrowly focused, complete a-hole with everyone I encountered. Mostly, this was a reflection of my own misery from life's difficulties. It's a tragic result bred from the often solo adventure of running. Instead, focus on why you really do it and how that enthusiasm for each run spills into other parts of your life. Once you capture that, I think the real benefits and performance enhancements begin. As I continue to run, I realize what a blessing it is and how it has positively affected other areas of my life. Thanks to those who have followed, supported or encouraged me throughout the year. Cheers.
Packet pick-up was horrible. After a two year hiatus to road running, the throngs of people, inconvenience and impersonal milling about just to receive my packet was draining. I saw many familiar faces, but the frustration of the whole ordeal left me bitter rather than excited to race. With this, I went home and felt completely unprepared for the day to come. One thing for sure, I was going to run my race and enjoy the fall colors. I completely resigned to the notion of "whatever happens, happens," adjust to this and the day will be fine.
That night, I slept like a baby, without a care in the world. This was the first sign that strange things were to come. I showed up the next morning with only a slight bit of nerves...also something that rarely happens as I am a multiple Biff type of guy. As I warmed up, I was happy to resign my inward focus, connecting with familiar faces in the ultra world. Seriously, it is like a family even though I spend only passing moments with most of these connections. Their relaxed and welcoming nature however makes it feel like a family reunion, something that always brings me back for more. With multiple greetings, the race was suddenly about to start. With all the talking, I hardly had time to think about the time that I printed on my wrist, 2:46.
As the gun went off, I started my watch and figured what the hell, may as well shoot high and embrace the suck. After all, there are two things that make me run. One is the life stories of those surrounding me and the second is the sure pain that is needed in order to achieve. As I made my way through the pack, I eventually found a group that was right outside my comfort zone. As the miles clicked by, my breathing didn't ease and I found the group to be rather solemn. People tried to make the effort to talk, but most of the targets were uninterested and focused solely on the day. After a couple years away, I forgot how lonely road racing is at times. As the pace bordered on uncomfortable, I struggled a touch to hold my motivation. After all, trail running is full of conversation at the front end, even during the most intense races.
Around mile 11 an epiphany hit which motivated me through the finish. It wasn't why I was racing that day, but rather why I run in general and how it has helped me navigate life. From the outside, it would appear that I run because I am competitive, in need of an outlet post traditional athletics. Or maybe, it is because I am super motivated and concerned about my health. The above justifications are true, but there is much more to the equation. Like many in ultra running, I am addictive and quirky by nature. Once I get on a path, I easily go 120% whether healthy or not which has caused trouble in the past. More importantly than that however is my struggle to connect with a society that is constantly connected, increasingly loud, quickly evolving, and tied to more dollar signs than my bank account will ever have. See, below all the life commitments, I am rather primal and minimal by nature, even though that isn't always reflected clearly.
Given I haven't completely resigned to living in a remote hut, running is a way for me to maintain functionality and connect with like minded individuals that I encounter on the trails. It helps me organize life, gives me energy to face a day under the fake lights of work, and allows a brief reprieve from "first world" frustrations. Overall, it helps me plug in more efficiently while plugging out of consumerism at the same time. From this, I have found an energy and motivation that keeps the rest of life on the straight and narrow.
With this reflection, I hit mile 17 and the brick wall to follow. As I passed my wife and extended family, I felt the pain start to creep, and fully accepted it. Instead of the "suck," this was my vacation. With that, the survival instincts clicked in as I focused on bodies in front of me. Some were moving smooth, but many were fatiguing just like me. Instead of focusing on my slipping splits, I worked on capturing the moment. I sucked the last amount of energy out of my body and found additional boosts through the cheering crowd and electrifying energy at TC Running's 24 mile cheer zone. What a sweet experience!
Yeah, this post is super long and isn't structured in the best way. Thank you for reading this far. I guess what I am trying to get across is don't just focus on the short term goals that each race brings. Six years ago I certainly did and it made me a hard headed, narrowly focused, complete a-hole with everyone I encountered. Mostly, this was a reflection of my own misery from life's difficulties. It's a tragic result bred from the often solo adventure of running. Instead, focus on why you really do it and how that enthusiasm for each run spills into other parts of your life. Once you capture that, I think the real benefits and performance enhancements begin. As I continue to run, I realize what a blessing it is and how it has positively affected other areas of my life. Thanks to those who have followed, supported or encouraged me throughout the year. Cheers.